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  • Alyssa Abrahamson

How to criticize yourself the right way

Just checking in to see if you’re criticizing yourself, and if you are, are you doing it the right way?

How to criticize yourself the right way:

  1. Say unkind and hurtful things to yourself in your thoughts.

  2. Question and second guess yourself. Don’t trust yourself, your intuition, or your decisions.

  3. Constantly compare yourself to others.

Self-criticism. It feels good, right? Beating yourself up for perceived failures or mistakes is quite the motivator? Routinely putting yourself down makes you feel worthy and loved? Right?


We all criticize ourselves from time to time, but when that criticism becomes chronic, that's when it’s time to take note.

Even seemingly innocent comments like, “I’m such an idiot!” when you stub your toe or forget to buy milk at the grocery store are problematic. These thoughts are hurtful and harmful and perpetuate negative self-talk. Sadly, perpetual negative self-talk and self-criticism, can have profound emotional consequences such as anxiety, guilt, and depression.


While self-criticism may be ingrained in how you treat yourself, this does not mean that you have to stay that way.

I'm a huge advocate of self-compassion. I believe, and research has proven, that when it comes to motivation, self-growth, and mental health, self-compassion beats self-criticism any day, and in every way.

It is important to note that while we can be critical of ourselves and our behavior in a way that is healthy and offers opportunity for self-growth, what I’m focusing on here is the detrimental self-criticism that cuts you down and sells you short.

But how do you begin to let go of self-criticism and learn to practice self-compassion?

Here are 2 ways:

1. Write your criticisms to yourself.

Most self-criticism happens with negative self-talk cycles in our mind.

Our mind thinks very fast and these rapid-fire thoughts can generate painful emotions of anxiety, sadness, guilt and more.

How do you stop this barrage of negativity? Text yourself or write those same words on paper. Why would this help you? It slows you down because you can’t write as fast as you think and writing down those detrimental thoughts gives you perspective.

While these thoughts are most likely irrational, they seem true in our minds. But when you get these words out of your mind and onto your phone or paper, their extreme and damaging nature become more clear.

2. Try self-compassion.

Imagine that you are talking to yourself, as you would a good friend, about this action from a compassionate and understanding perspective. What would you say? Write this down on your phone or on paper.

And there's a 3rd way:

My signature 6-week Holistic Wellness Small Group Coaching program is designed for you to confidently overcome self-judgement and negative self-talk. It is also designed to support a healthy mindset, implement mindfulness relating to nutrition and digestion, and transform your lifestyle! This program provides a fresh opportunity for you to learn how to nourish, support, and heal your body.

Love, Your Wellness Coach,


August 18, 2020


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