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  • Alyssa Abrahamson

5 Ways to Become a Self-Expert

Who do we spend our entire lives with? Ourselves! We are present to listen to our thoughts, dream our dreams, and feel the feelings and sensations in our bodies. Obviously we’re an expert of our own self, right?

Not always so.

Do you ever ask yourself questions like, “Why in the heck did I do that?” “Why am I so tired?” “I have no idea what I want” or, “I don’t understand why I got so angry”?

We’ve all had these thoughts at some point or another. Maybe we feel confused about our needs and look to others to make decisions for us. Perhaps we feel disconnected from our feelings, not understanding why we do the things we do so then our decisions don’t feel exactly right.

These are signs that working on self-awareness and focusing on becoming a self-expert will be beneficial.

What is a self-expert?

Someone who takes time to look inside and listen to oneself. A person who intentionally uses introspection, reflection, and conversation and lives with the intention to enhance and transform their life is a self-expert.

When you’re a self-expert you devote time to learning about yourself. You are willing to honestly look at yourself, you are open to feedback, constructive criticism, and you are dedicated to self-improvement.

When you’re open to being a self-expert you create intentional experiments in developing your authentic self. You become aware of your thoughts, feelings and actions, learning to trust your authentic self, which improves the quality of your life.

How do you become a self-expert? Here are 5 ways:

1. Get Curious

When you get curious about yourself, you become an objective observer instead of living on autopilot or living a reactionary existence. When you approach yourself with genuine curiosity you can find triggers, hidden thoughts, and set patterns. This allows you to let go of the thoughts, beliefs and behaviors that no longer serve you.

2. Ask Better Questions

When you’re curious, you’re more open to exploration about why you find yourself saying, “why me?” "why am I in pain?” or “what is wrong with me?” Asking questions about why you find yourself in that victim mindset can be helpful; for example, instead, ask the following questions.

  • What is it about this that bothers me so much?

  • What lesson can I learn from this?

  • Is there a way to take what I'm learning to help myself and to help others?

3. Journal

Writing down your thoughts and feelings gets them out of your head so you can “see” more clearly. You are able to get to know yourself better by putting your thoughts onto paper. Journaling can feel freeing and healing. It cultivates self-awareness, which is foundational to being a self-expert.

4. Do Nothing

Constantly busying ourselves rivals self-awareness. So choose a designated time every day to turn your phone off, go on a walk without your phone, do some stretching in silence, lay on the couch with no distractions, and do nothing. Allow your mind to drift off, day dream, get bored and become more connected and aware of yourself.

5. Have Healthy and Safe Conversations

Commit to healthy communication. Talk to trusted people about your thoughts, feelings, concerns, and experiences. Find a safe self-awareness buddy that can be a mirror and show you things from a different perspective and give you healthy, constructive feedback. That person could be a good friend, a therapist, or me.

I help my clients become more self-aware and get in touch with their needs, prioritize themselves, and their health. When you do this, clarity arises and you will feel better and healthier in your body, mind, soul, and in your life.

If this resonates, let’s talk. ​Click here to set up a call with me.

Love, Your Wellness Coach,


P.S. For more, listen to podcast episode 94, Become A Self-Expert.

October 12, 2022



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